I'll stop waiting for you.

Because bb, it doesn't make sense to me anymore. 

In our three years of this romantic interlude, I never felt more lonely since you went away, and not telling on when you will come home. 

You are amazing. I wish you knew that. You made me feel like a woman in our humble beginnings. Pero ngayon na gumagalaw ang oras natin at hindi kita nararamdaman, lalo lang ako nalulungkot, at nari-realize na hindi ko kayang panindigan ang paghihintay. 

I am breaking up with you, K—. Hindi nga yata ito ang tamang pagkakataon para sa atin. Ang daming komplikasyon, ang daming drama. Ang hiling ko lang naman noon ay isang partner na makakasama ko sa mga maliliit na bagay tulad ng pamamalengke at pagluluto. Pero kahit ang simpleng gawaing-bahay na pangarap ay hindi natin maisakatuparan. 

Gusto ko na makalaya sa ganitong kalungkutan. At ngayong unti-unti na akong natututong muli sa pag-iisa, hindi ko na yata kakayanin ang muli mong paglitaw at pagsasabi ng mga pangarap na pilit tinatanaw. 

Let me know if you have something of mine in your possession and I can request a courier / grab delivery to get it sorted. As far as I am concerned, wala ka namang naiwang gamit dito sa bahay, or sa aking mga lalagyan. 

I pray for you, and I wish you happiness and healing. Hope you can wish for mine, too. 

Respectfully yours, 

E—

So Insular and yet, Isolated

Where the Crawdads Sing by Delia Owens
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Ang ganda!!!

You cannot categorize this book easily. If you own a bookstore, you wouldn't place it near John Grisham, or Nicholas Sparks; not even to the hype of Milan Kundera or Henry Miller. Delia Owens' first novel will be easily slated into the "Bestseller list" though because the hype is real. It is a mosh pit of multiple literary genre. This isn't just a mystery, or a courtroom drama, or a coming-of-age, or romance, but it all a combination of those — with a backdrop of wildlife narrative like of National Geographic's.

If one has to write about isolation, this is a perfect reference and inspiration. Details of the daily life and coping with loneliness, and how poetry is not about mere words and ambiguous meanings, but also how it connects the writer to someone. After all, people long for connections.
I do wish I have the courage to go and explore the great outdoors, but I am not that introverted kasi. I was one of those people who would go mad if not being talked to (or talked with) for at least three days. Hahahaha

This book made me feel appreciative of our nature and its bottomless resources. You can really survive in the wild if you know how to adapt. Highly recommended book, especially if you are a student wanting to write a comprehensive book report. There are literary tropes here and there like PTSD of war, alcoholism, republican psyche and some racism because of its old time period. But I couldn't put it down because the sensibilities of Kya and Tate and Jodie are so vivid, it tugs my heartstrings when a drama scene ensued in a chapter.

I am looking forward for the movie version of this novel.

View all my reviews

Silly Sally - My Fourth Read

Conversations with Friends by Sally Rooney
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

What in the actual— AHAHAHAHA THE ENDING SUCKS BIG TIME AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The reading journey is entertaining though. Sally Rooney is truly a writer of lusty intervals, a typical novel you can put in a cottage for summer getaways. She can write about sex without being too flowery or to porn-ish. Very transactional, like reading a book, or writing an essay.

Sally fleshed out Frances as the antiheroine, although the prose is a longer version of her short story named Mr. Salary. Frances is such a boring persona outside, but inside she's a screaming introspection. I loved reading her thoughts. They are so unreliable sometimes that you even question your memory.

There's the usual literary engines in this novel that depicts the millenial vibe: Mental Health, Spoken Poetry, and Painful periods. I kind of like that, Sally stamped herself in a literary generation of sorts. Not much like post-Post-modern, but you can place her in a separate table in a bookstore.

In her three novels, I liked Normal People the best (because of the in-betweens), and Beautiful World, Where Are You in the second place (because of her composite character dating a seemingly-Amazon-warehouse employee). This book, not much. But this created the wave for Sally to be known in the literary scene, so kudos to her.

View all my reviews

Tangina ng mga Lalake minsan.

Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 by Cho Nam-Joo
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This novella is too short! Like an abstract study of Gender inequality in South Korea. With all the footnotes of news and magazine articles and statistics about differences in wage, career choices, and even the mere perception of having a son vs having a daughter, this book IS NOT ENOUGH.

Also, this convinced me more to not have a kid. Witnessing the sister + brother growing up in mama's hands and their studies with lesser intervention of papa's money (view spoiler)[hello, kami ni kuya nagpa-aral kay Kitty + full scholar si Jedi (hide spoiler)], aba'y talagang PUTANGAMA NINYONG LAHAT KUNG PIPILITIN NYO AKO MAGKA-ANAK. Babayaran nyo ba ako ng Php29.6 Million kapag may panganay akong lalake? Di ba, hindi? Puru lang kayo tanong, mga GenX na umaastang boomer (Yes, it's you, Elon Musk. Putangama mo)

Let the Earth be damned but until Patriachy dies, putangama ninyong lahat, ganern.

I HAVE RAGE!!!
lol ok time to watch the movie version.

View all my reviews

The BL I never thought I NEEDED

Aristotle and Dante Dive into the Waters of the World by Benjamin Alire Sáenz
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

My gosh! This is the BL I never thought I really needed. Napakaganda ng pagkakasulat! Highly recommended. It doesn't just talk about Aristotle and Dante. It talked about of being brave, pursuing dreams, writing, moving forward, and the little things that culminate you as you. Ang ganda ng pagkakabitaw ng mga linyahan ng writer. Sometimes, you don't need hifalutin vocabulary to evoke sincerity in a character's voice. Sometimes, Ari's sentiments reflect my day-to-day hanash, to the point of him inspiring me to write again. Reading this book made me want to write in my journal again. Hay. Naiyak ako ahahahahaha

Sorry for this makalat na book review but I will rewrite this in time. Hopefully.

View all my reviews

Reading at Midnight

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Formulaic and fun...?

So weird to have a feel-good moment after you realized the book started with a suicidal character. I dunno. Suddenly I feel guilty for feeling optimistic about the plot when in fact, the writer is simply profiteering with depression kineso like Hanya Yanagihara's A Little Life.

Sometimes, a book can give you a toxic positivity vibin'. Hays.

View all my reviews

Silly Sally - My Third Read

Mr Salary by Sally Rooney
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

That's helluvah ton of kinikimkim na damndamin! It's a short story, but can actually be a part of a novel. Some say that this is her writing exercise before starting conversations with friends. It's weird though, this is the second time that I encounter a plotline depicting an electra complex. Naol nabibilhan ng bet nya sa shopping eme. Charot not charot.

View all my reviews

Tangina ng mga Sadboi minsan.

All the Sad Young Literary Men by Keith Gessen
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

Really? Reading a novel with a Russianism-fanatic character? In the middle of Russian imperialism to Ukraine? *trashtalk intensifies*

View all my reviews

Reminiscient of Martial Law

The Memory Police by Yōko Ogawa
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

What in the actual mindfcuk is this novel? I thought this is supposed to be plot-driven, but this speculative fiction is more reminiscient of the works of Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Haruki Murakami, with a splash of Jose Saramago's Blindness. It is very metaphorical! The main character is a novelist who has published books about disappearances. Her last work, about a typist with a disappearing voice, was made throughout the timeline of her life with a draconian world in Memory Police.

I am a bit disappointed with the lack of a plot development on the Memory Police's point-of-view, but I believe Yoko deliberately wrote it this way for us to realize that a fascist regime really hates disclosing their activities and plans. This rings true when a state is under a Martial Law (i.e. Philippines and South Korea) or even under the State of Emergency (i.e. Singapore).

What I loved in the translation is how simple the words were made, and yet, it cuts deep. Perhaps the employment of passive voice bears more power in translating the Japanese soul of the characters rather than the usual active voice (as how the West creates their prose). Also, I love the allegory of holding a ritual when a thing disappears. Remarkable parts are (1) the roses floating in the river and (2) the burning of the library. I am not much aware of the most Japanese, but they really are into hoarding mementos / souvenirs, and as one lets go of it, a ceremony of hand-off is being held.

If only this is more of an action film-like prose, I might get through this novel in one sitting.

View all my reviews

First Read is not a Good Read

Jack by Marilynne Robinson
My rating: 2 of 5 stars

First read of the year and I am tired already.

It's a trainwreck of sadboi sentiments splashed with prosaic poetry, random encounters, and religious outtakes. Prince of Darkness, my ass. Jack has a whiny voice, but since it is a male character, it is muted with sadboi dramas circa 1950-1960s boomer energy.

Bad BAAADDD reading experience of Marilynne's work, she shouldn't create another Gilead saga with Jack as the main character. Predestination is not a good literary agency in this work.

View all my reviews