Four weeks have passed with no clear-cut news returning to our normal lifestyle, whether it is about going to the office, or malls for grocery shopping. Summer is here and it is getting hotter. As an extrovert, I have tried almost everything — housekeeping, rendering additional WFH hours, being the grocer for the family, reading the books I bought from the last Big Bad Wolf sale... and my ultimate escape, talking to people online.
At day 32 of the Enhanced Community Quarantine, I saw a tweet that "TIL that there is a Facebook group about being an ant, so why not engage in being one?" This may be her detox route: joining in Facebook groups. Being in a tribe and play pretend. Because after all the little realities in the outside world, I am still antsy and anxious about the current social climate. That at this point, we are stuck in the complete standstill. No stable aid, no mass testing.
In the Ant Colony, there is No Bureaucracy. Not even a Democratic realm. Upon entry, you will be given an ID (AntElla-4651) via filling up a Facebook comment, then you can go and select your role if you are a soldier or a worker ant. And, you will S E R V E the Queen with no further questions. Early posts contain candies to lift, juices to drink and carry to the Hill, and help others when they are lost. You are not allowed to speak with a complete sentence, only key words. Some action words being invoked in the commentaries are the following:
LIFT
CARRY
ASSIST
SLURP
CHAIN
BITE
I shared it with a group of new-found-friends who are also into memes and definitely bored in the ECQ, and instead of tiring ourselves monitoring the daily news and President's sessions. We relax our critical mindset and go with the flow of being an ant - serving the unquestionable Queen. We never knew who is the real Queen, or if there was an uprising; not even a log of a massive dissent. We just engaged with the flow, keeping the ant line intact. Escaping the critical thinking and acting as pawns.
I did not sustain the group in the next five days.
When I saw other Facebook friends and common connections going into the group, I left it, feeling too normie with the bandwagon. I wish to be excluded in that tribe, disassociating and cleansing myself of a collective narrative. Also, what is the end-all if I just keep saying L I F T or keep forming a C H A I N when you see your outside world in a suspended chaos? Whether I lift or not, the DSWD is still insufficient with their aids. PNP is still selective with their suspects, and NBI is still favoring the purveyor of fake news.
It is time to level up and make it local, mirroring the online engagement with the Outside World. After all, there was one group page when I was yeeted because of a seemingly snarky comment:
Kung ikaw ay DDS, I have nothing to say to you.
What if I was the President? I can propose laws, or solutions, even create a poll to check the real pulse of the Netizen while we are stuck in our homes, and wait for directions.
And so I
came upon this page where I pretend to be the head of the Republic: What if I am Duterte?
Immersion started in the first 24 hours, reading and ingesting the current memes and statuses, getting acclimatized and being on standby, checking if there is any space to express dissent, or at least suggest solutions. Or even vent my personal frustrations. I may live a middle-class home, but I feel accountable to give a voice to those who are unable to air out their cry for help.
Sadly, there was none.
What I saw are memes about E-numan sessions, or another round of Delawan vs DDS Dichotomies. Normie trends of Buttercup and Directed by Robert Weide videos are rampant. I felt disgusted at the Polls of "Who you gonna vote in the upcoming 2022 elections?" like the fate of the Philippines is in the hands of the heart and angry reacts. It's another pulse check of who's Delawan and who's DDS. If you become less critical and supporting of the President's decision, you are a red DDS. If you are critical with the refinement of explicating the social climate, you are automatically red-tagged, a notch higher than Big D E L A W A N energy. There is no in-between, not even a third panel of merely thinking Filipinos, socially aware and capable of change. My first 48 hours was an antithesis: I was acting not as a President; I was acting as Duterte.
At hour 72, a plot twist was uncovered: an underground mass party for those blind loyalists for the current regime. If a user has an online footprint of actively supporting President Duterte and reacted on the poll, the other users engage in reporting and blocking the profile, making sure that we are cleaning DDS trolls and sweeping them clean. You see a blind supporter, you report. In addition to commenting critically via twitter and engaging in other online discussions, being the online sweeper made me feel like a contributor in making the online world a better place.
If this
is the "New Normal", I definitely dig this gig.
I survived the next two weeks of being in the underground, attending mass reporting parties and reporting false accounts. Sadly, with the current profile picture wearing yellow, I was unable to infiltrate a DDS group and be an Intel; I was not suit to be an undercover. But hey, gone are the days of sheer boredom. Eyes wide open, mind fully awake: I am your social-justice-memer. I felt the drive pulsating, I was inspired. I cannot believe that the mere clicks and few minutes of reporting and blocking users will be much helpful. And all these were done in the comfort of my home. When there is another cult of mass reporting party, I ride it like a wave, clicking and checking profiles, reporting as hate speech, sometimes spam, and never forgetting the block option. I was empowered in few clicks; I was enamored with the truth that I am contributing to a little change. I challenge the standstill of chaos from the outside world, by shaking the world within.
But then, there was a sudden Halt.
"Ayoko na po mag-stay sa page na ito pagkat hindi ko na alam ang totoo."
A random Facebook user, posting a candid status update received a backlash for being sincere and being self-aware. Instead of respecting the decision, a noise ensued. Instead of giving support, it was negatively criticized. He was done, he doesn't want to be in a never-ending battle of memes, blind loyalist commentaries and underground spying. He had enough. But what he did to me personally was a jolt, waking me up and take a look again from the outside. The world was still chaotic yet suspended. Still lacking aid, short with concrete updates. No legitimate mass testing.
I left the group quietly that night, not making any noise. No goodbye notes to another comrade who joined the mass reporting party. No tweets, no dissent.
There were nights of introspection, when the dark comes and throws you a flavorful plethora of anxieties. Sometimes I don't want to be critical anymore, sometimes I don't want to care. Sometimes, I just want to be mute, merely checking or monitoring the world, watching it implode. I just want to be a kamote, really.
So it is.
When an
online friend said that we can create a world where we can be only be a
vegetable and be a peace, I was in. This time, I created such world.
It sucked. Haha! What do you expect? Talking vegetables?! Heck, we aren't even Vegans in the first place. I created the group for the sake of friendship and showing support by creating fun content. But how can you create content in an inanimate being? They don't show dissent, the plants are not even critical or compassionate. There were just there - existing.
No goal. No end.
Suspended and at standstill.
Anxiety was brewing again.
Back to the drawing board. Back to zero. Back to the times when I die of sheer boredom, with lots of time in my hands brought about by a week-long leave. How can I help by showing fun and compassion, and actually, with lesser negativity brought about by the chaos of the outside world? I am really tired of being too critical, of listening to the news and Presidential announcements. I am tired of this Pandemic ruining my daily life, merely getting by.
Then one random Saturday, we saw a post in a local group page containing constitution and its provisions for tribunals and by-laws. It was the same group page who yeeted me! Muted for my candid reaction, just because I expressed my dissent. In that realm where members should be "Empath" and often misunderstood, they should be the bigger person who can understand the context. And yet, they made a mini-government out of it. Was the page fun after that? I cannot answer, I was blocked two days ago.
Which is why when someone proposed a jump-start of spreading care and fun in this stagnant daily life of Enhanced Community Quarantine, I was up for it. I joined in the promotions of spreading an overwhelming care.
It was a Saturday, most of the people are in rest. It was nearing Prime time, that is why more are focused in their handheld. A massive invite was begun. Not only in the local setting, but also in abroad. With lots of people staying home and investing in the social media, the tags and invites were rampant. Make a comment witty and do the plug, easy peasy. Membership count was rad, 88 members in the first hour, then at Monday it exceeded the 420 mark.
As I am typing this, the membership goes to 867 and counting!
A huge play of pretend for me, I was not an INFJ. I was an Ne-dom. "The Great Debater". ENTP. Known for "possessing a wikipedia-like of ideas, critical thinking and charismatically empathic". But when you think about it, this psuedo-science of knowing one's MBTI type is not meant to put oneself in a box, but to actually learn the cognitive function stacking and to understand people. In that way, you equip yourself on how to authentically put the care.
One
hurdle we have faced when building this little realm was convincing the true
INFJs to join the group. After all, why do they have to pretend? What if they
get bullied with their weaknesses? But I digress, the group page is to
actually say what if EVERYONE was one? Will we make the world a better place?
Or will it burst out due to the lack of authenticity? Are we simply watching
the world burn? This simulation was answered by a paradox:
Just using INFJ logic here, so pardon me. If this group was made to "Bully INFJs", How could we bully them if we are "pretending to be INFJ"? Wouldn't a bully go to where the INFJ's were already instead of making a page where "everyone pretends to be an INFJ" in hopes they will join so they can be bullied?
So no, we are not aiming to bully people. We are actually exposing the negative qualities and making everyone aware of themselves. After all, the first step to self-care is to be self-aware. Perhaps most of the non-INFJs are playing pretend at this point still, but sometimes the satire crosses over as truth, and albeit the care may trigger the skeptic, we learn to critic which is healthy and the unhealthy; filling ourselves with an overwhelming acceptance, with an authentic amount of care. My stay-home lifestyle was a little lighter, a little happier.
Is the Philippines still at standstill? I am not 100% sure, all I know is that there are movements in bits and pieces; awareness on the outside world is getting higher. Help is somehow on the way, testing to the OFWs is mobilized. Information dissemination is ongoing. The President, even though it is not enough, starts to finally care.
Or maybe, the outside world plays pretend.
