Markings of a Dreamer: Abril 2021

4/25/2021

#WorldBookDay Spree

Bahay ni Marta by Ricky Lee
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

This is the book I read during my weekend participation with #WorldBookDay in discord. When I saw an invite from Kwesi, I penciled the event in my calendar, making sure that a specific timeslot is free for me to read (or speed-read!)

Ricky Lee's prose is very conversational in Filipino, and very easy to zen in. It was set in Laguna during lenten season, and in a span of less than a week, multiple events unravel. In as early as chapter 2, a striking scene happened. (view spoiler)

I don't rate it as five stars, because of its brevity and quick pacing. At this point in my life, I prefer slower prose and those moments of introspection. wala lang, share. Maybe the younger readers will appreciate manong Ricky Lee's work, especially the evocative moments being delivered in less than two pages.

I'd recommend this work to the college students who wanted to do a book review/analysis of manong Ricky Lee's writings, and how will they differentiate it with his scriptwriting styles.

View all my reviews

4/18/2021

A Tale of the Mountains

Bone Talk by Candy Gourlay
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

I liked it.

The book gave me a variety of emotions to ponder on. Some, even extreme emotions of wishing death. Lols I think it goes with the age and my angst with the kupal na Amerikano sa mundong ibabaw.

I read this book because I wanted to join the book discussion of National Book Development Board where Bodjie Pascua was a moderator. In the first meeting, we tackled on Chapters 1-18, about Samkad's desire-bordering-obsession to become a man, their life in Bontoc, and his father's quest to fetch his brother (from another mother).

Little do I know that I wasn't able to put it down, when I read about Mangili, the tribal war context, and the arrival of the Americans. Those Americans.

In any case, the fight scenes/violence were graphic even for kids 10-12 yrs of age, but I think this os necessary to amplify the voice and the struggles of our primary character, Samkad. I felt the inner voices telling him as he did things, even sometimes it felt like a move out of instinct.

This book is an adventure. And I miss travelling again. Thank you Ms. Candy for taking me back to the mountains.

View all my reviews

4/03/2021

How to Float in the Pacific Ocean

Some side notes — I was trying to locate my Toastmasters Speeches in Facebook Notes from way back 2011 and for some reason, the notes themselves are very elusive. Was the Facebook notes section archived or deactivated? I was not even aware of this shift, really. In the meantime, I shall copy and paste whatever transcript that I can find.

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Note: This is my Basic Speech Project No. 8 that I delivered in the El Presidente Toastmasters Club. With my encounters in the Pacific Ocean during my "Fieldwork" in Baler, it served as my inspiration to craft the speech and use the Ocean as metaphor to my Division A contest experience.

Since the objectives of this speech project is TO USE THE VISUAL AIDS TO SUPPORT / REINFORCE THE SPEECH, I made one - and it became a source of laughing stock! my gulay. Hindi naman kasi ako marunong mag-drawing, so I made pictures using paint and with help of an officemate.

For those who are not informed about this club, I joined the Toastmasters club last 04 November 2010 to hone my public speaking skills. I would like to encourage and to invite all of you guys to be a kibitzer to a Toastmasters Club Meeting. Ours is done every first and third Thursday of the month, 7PM at Max's 2nd Floor Liberty Center, Shaw Blvd, Mandaluyong City.

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Summertime of our lives, our lives! (song of A1)

Fellow toastmasters, it’s officially Summer! With the summer breeze, wonderful beach, and inviting sea, let’s satisfy our heart’s delight by enjoying ourselvesalong the shore, sipping summer shakes, and diving in the salty waves. I remember this dress; this is the same beachwear that I wore in my Baler escapade. Baler is at the north eastern part of Luzon, and it faces the Pacific Ocean. The sea, known for its wild waves and tsunami, is the same ocean that challenges the surfers and frightens the swimmers.

Me as a risk taker took the challenge of the sea. I can swim – but I am not a professional swimmer. Not even a surfer. What I can share to you is what I read and understood in ehow.com – my own “reformulated” simple steps on how to float on your back in the Pacific Ocean. These procedures helped me to stay calm and relax on its strong waves. Are you ready? Okay, let’s go floating!

Ella is floating on the Pacific Ocean. Weeeeee~!!!

The first step is to make sure that your chin is pointed to the sky. Tipping your head back positions the body to be buoyant. Next, Lift your chest and stomach up by arching your back slightly, allowing the lower body to rest higher in the water. Then, make sure that your ears are in the water. If the head is lifted, the legs will sink, making floating nearly impossible. Afterwards, lift the arms and rest them on the surface of the water. This changes the swimmer's center of buoyancy and makes floating easier. Finally, gently do a flutter kick with your legs. And now you can float!

Simple, right? Well, some would say it’s simple when you’re floating on a still water in the pool, or in the calm seas of Boracay. But the angry Pacific Ocean that is ready to engulf your being, with its waves pulling you away from the shore and blasted you with a larger-than-life-surfer-friendly push back to the shore – that’s a bit hard.

And that’s what I reflected in Baler – whether I should continue to represent the Area 5 in Humorous Speech Category or not. I was asking to myself if I am up for the challenge…

The moment I wore the medal and won that privilege, the pressure started to sink in. The weight of my “responsibility” to represent the club, the heaviness of the fact that there is a seasoned humorist as a candidate, and the anxiety that I cannot perform well in a larger audience, questioned my determination if I could re-run my speech all over again in the same stage, delivering the same message, and some are the same audience.

Questioning my ability to deliver a story that would make them laugh and impart lessons is like questioning my ability to float in the Pacific Ocean. It’s like, you want to dip your legs on the troubled ocean waves, ready to eat you whole. It’s suicidal!

But after praying and seeking advice from friends, inside and outside Toastmasters, I told myself, why not take the chance? After all, it’s like floating in the back. With my own reformulated steps and a little bit of metaphor, I think I can.

Ella is like floating on the sea of people when she delivered her story

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Pacific Ocean is like the sea of people wanting to hear my story. They are the cause of waves – both harmful and helpful. So, the first step is I made sure that my chin, in this case, is facing the chin of the audience, so that my eyes will be the same level as theirs. The face is the source of the message, and the sea of people needs to see it.

Next is I lifted my chest up, so that they would feel that I am confident to deliver my speech. Then, I made sure that my ears are, in this case, in the audience. I learned to listen well. I heightened my senses so that I will know when to start speaking, when to put humor, and when to end it with a bang.

Afterwards, I let my arms rest. Instead of pressuring the two upper limbs to stay on the sides, I let them join the act. With it, I was fluid in delivering the speech with the body language.

Finally, I did a subtle, but profound kick of urging the audience to listen to my story. And it worked. I was like floating the whole time when I delivered a funny speech, with some punch lines and life lessons to impart with. And yes, it felt good. I was not nervous or fearful or stressed when I shared my piece. Though I did not win, I believe I floated on my back there, notwithstanding the waves ready to engulf me.

So fellow toastmasters, whether we are in the sea full of waves or in a sea of people full of eyes to look at you, as long as you can be at ease, you can float. So, instead on pouting and complaining that the waves are big and ready to eat you whole, why not take the challenge?

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Evaluation Proper:

It was TM Tin who evaluated my speech. I am glad that she appreciated the organization of the speech, and the way of delivering them. She noted that sometimes, technicalities are sources of embarassment or fear to deliver your speech, but it did not hesistate me to do what I could (she accepted the fact that I am not good at drawing). She noted that next time, if we use visual aids, make sure that the audience will see them, and see the reinforcement it bears.

She pointed out, "It is not the visual aid that would deliver the message, rather, it is the SPEAKER". Actually, many of us (especially students) experience DEATH BY POWERPOINT, wherein the reporter / discussant read the powerpoint slides in VERBATIM, which is NOT THE PROPER THING TO DO. For a tip, the powerpoint slide should be in a 3 X 5 LINER - with three lines, at five words per line the most (read them in the internet, kindly google them, I cannot remember the source, hihihi).

Oh yeah, lesson learned. Andami kong natutunan. And natutunan kong mag-drawing. hihihihi. Two speeches to go and I'll be on graduation!

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(inputted in facebook notes last 09 April 2011)

Stressing Reality

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I totally forgot to post this at an earlier date. OMG!

I presented the speech in a "Basag-Mode" version of me, even my evaluator was not expecting my delivery. After stress in work, stress in traffic, stress in studies, I wasn't able to focus on practicing them. (I delivered them in an uninspiring-preacher-like-way, with a little-embarassing-comedy-on-the-side). To tell you the truth, I was tormented by my principals (in the office) on that same date that my speech delivery was assigned. And this served as my Basic Speech Project No. 7 (Research Your Topic) for the El Presidente Toastmasters Club.

MALAPIT NANG MATAPOS ANG SPEECH PROJECTS KO - THREE FOR THE ROAD!!! :D HAPPY!!!! :D

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Fellow Toastmasters and dear friends, YOU SHOULD ADD ME ON FACEBOOK! Because the most recent status was made at 1:48 AM, saying:

Que Barbaridad! Que Horror!

At 2:00 AM this morning, fellow Toastmasters, believe it or not, I haven’t prepared my speech for the night. Actually, what all I have are fragments – key words to craft my write-up and to prep myself up for this celebration. Since our Club President wishes to liven up tonight’s feast, I was pressured to craft a perfect speech to present to you.

Lots of crappy preparations are being saved in my laptop. What kind of topic that would interest this audience? Do I have to tell embarrassing stories? Stories of my childhood...? Stories of my frustrations to crush..?

In the wee hours of night, I’ve looked for topics that would complete this speech. However, I just cannot complete them. For Instance, my laptop has these incomplete documents entitled - My cousin’s nightmare; where voices are; forging weapons; and even Lady Gaga! All of these topics are “shelf items” because these write-ups are incomplete, and maybe, just maybe, I cannot think of ways to end them with a bang.

Fellow Toastmasters, have you experienced this kind of scenario? Whenever a speech date is coming, that is the only time that you would stress yourself to craft a perfect thing to share – and luckily, that thing you made just before the due date is “just perfect”. Maybe because you are convinced enough of the stressing reality – that a due date is coming and would lead you to think and move!

In the famous online encyclopaedia called the Wikipedia, the scenario of inability to write something new can be referred as the writer’s block. “Writer's Block is when you want to write but can't”, according to an American Author Kate Withhelm.

Patricia Huston, MD, MPH, describes writer's block as a "distinctly uncomfortable inability to write," and categorizes the severity of as mild, moderate, and recalcitrant. Mild blockage, Huston believes, is easily resolved by revising expectations, breaking big projects into small ones, and giving oneself positive feedback, among other things. Moderate blockage can be addressed by practicing creative exercises, talking about your work with another supportive writer, or taking a break. In her experience, unmanageable blockage can often be resolved with medical intervention or cognitive restructuring, i.e. therapy. So ladies and gentlemen, this experience can be trivial, temporary, or extreme, that some have been unable to work for years on end, and some have even abandoned their careers!

If you have this kind of “problem”, how do we resolve it? Actually, through my research on the internet, there are lots of writers and experts who have suggested some solutions to this kind of “situation”. Let me mention two.

American author and Smithsonian professor Julia Cameron advocates the practice of morning pages as a remedy to writer's block. Morning pages are 3 handwritten pages of free writing where the purpose is to write without the intention of using the writing for anything. It is a practice that can bring your thoughts to the surface and allow you enter a more creative zone.

And Dr. Robert Boice, a professor emeritus on psychology at Stony Brook University in New York suggests a five-step treatment program. The first is scheduled free writing, which can help a stalled writer gain momentum. The second: contingency planning, which involves setting up schedules and contingencies that force a writer to write at pre-arranged times. Third is to consciously abstain from "maladaptive self-talk," such as telling yourself something will be rejected, while replacing negative statements more positive ones, such as telling yourself how much you enjoy writing. Fourth is establishing a social support group, such as a writing group, that focuses on writing and support. Fifth is to periodically reorder the above to keep these treatments from become habits.

So, fellow toastmasters, the next time that you have this Que Horror scenario, the first thing to remember is not to become discouraged. And remember, there are solutions in solving this kind of problem. Maybe, you need inspiration at the moment, or maybe you need something to eat. As for me, since I end this speech with lots of information, I think I need lots of sleep, because I’ve been awake from 4AM. Goodnight everyone!

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I'm expecting lots of points that I need to improve on, but the evaluator maybe understood that I wasn't myself when I presented the speech project. The audience was expecting an alive performance, and I just cannot do what they requested me to do. Siguro dahil na-swoosh na lahat ng sigla ko noong araw na iyon, walang natira for the dinner time. I ate lots of foodie in that place, my bill reached Php348! @_@

But I have to change my perspective, I need to practice, and I need to put my heart on my Speech Projects. This is for me rin naman. AT HINDI DAPAT AKO PADADALA SA STRESS!!! :D

Oh yeah, the bonus - I WAS SURPRISED THAT I WAS ABLE TO TALK WITH SIR ED FABONAN,
and asked some points on being a CHAMPION in humorous speech category. :)

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(inputted in facebook notes last 03 April 2011)

Munting Tao

Some side notes — I was trying to locate my personal anecdotes in Facebook Notes from way back 2011 and for some reason, the notes themselves are very elusive. Was the Facebook notes section archived or deactivated? I was not even aware of this shift, really. In the meantime, I shall copy and paste whatever transcript that I can find.

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Nagulat ang lahat sa bahay nang may dalang BABY si mama... tulog na tulog...

si munting tao - tulog na tulog!!!

Siya ang apo sa pamangkin ng aking ina... at dahil hindi namin nakuha mula sa kanyang ina ang kanyang pangalan, tinawag na namin siyang munting tao.

Ang agwat namin ay lampas dalawang dekada na, at ramdam na ni mama ang pagiging isang lola. Medyo nagtampo sa aming mga anak at nagtatanong kailan kami magkakaroon ng sariling pamilya. Nang maidahilan namin na hindi namin kaya ang responsibilidad ng isang magulang, natigilan siya. Natawa na lang sa sarili kung bakit naisip pa niya ang ganong klaseng damdamin.

"Mama, prinsesa kaya ako sa bahay. Kapag nag-alaga ako nyan, palagi na lang akong bangag. Madaganan ko lang yan sa sobrang kulit kong matulog." -Ella

"Ano ba Mama, wala sa pangarap ko ang isang bata." -Peter

"Kanino bang bata yan? San mo naman napulot yan? Pamangkin mo ina nyan? (After 5 seconds) Ang cute cute cute mo naman!" -Emman

Two other kids, Kitty and Jedi, did not see the baby, they are both fast asleep.

Pagkatapos ng tulog, nakaramdam ng gutom. Pagkatapos kumain, dumumi. Pagkatapos hugasan at linisan, naglaro sa kama. Pagkatapos maglaro, biglang nangingilala. Siguro nasa isip ng munting taong ito kung bakit narito siya at wala ang kanyang ina. Pagkatapos mapagtantong wala ang kanyang ina, nagsimula ang iyakan. Habang may iyakan, lambingan ang bitbit ng kanyang lola at mga tito at tita. At dahil sa munting tao, marami pa kaming gising sa tahanan.

Nakakatuwa si munting tao. Walang muwang. Walang kamalayan sa paligid. Ang tanging alam ay kumain, maglaro, dumumi, at matulog. Hindi niya alam ang pangyayari sa ating ekonomiya, ang duming bahid ng pulitika, at mga kaganapang tayong may edad lamang ang nakakaalam. Minsan sa buhay natin, ninais rin nating bumalik sa pagiging munti - walang malay, walang pakialam. Sa konting kaalaman, mayroon tayong sariling mundong nabubuo na tayo lang ang nakakalikha - SANKTUWARYO (sanctuary) ika nga.

Gusto kong maging munting tao katulad niya. Ngunit dahil matanda na ako, may kaalaman, may paninindigan at disposisyon, isa na ako sa mga alagad na magpapagalaw sa mundo. Hindi na ako ang taong walang malay at walang pakialam. Pero naniniwala akong kaya ko ring bumuo ng sariling mundo, na ako lamang ang nakakaalam. Sa bawat pighati na aking mararanasan, at sa bawat problemang hindi masolusyunan - magtatago muna ako sa SANKTUWARYO at mananaginip... at sa muli, ako'y babangon at susugod, magsisimulang muli, kahit sa paraang munti.

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(off topic) PERO ANG KYUT KYUT KYUT NYA!!! sabi nila tawagin ko na lang siyang Trudis Liit, pero hello!!! Asa makati ang baby, syempre dapat sosyal ang name nya... hehehe...

[at muli, umiyak ang munting tao - hala nagwawala na!!!]

si munting tao at ang mistulang lola

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(inputted in facebook notes last 26 October 2010)

A Dinner with the Officers

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Last friday the incumbent officers of the MBA Society met with their Adviser to talk about various issues and concerns of the Students, as well as plans and programs for the term. Nakakalungkot nga lang that everyone did not commit their attendance due to their reasons that even the attendee do not really understand.

At dahil jan, hindi ninyo naramdaman ang minsang dinner brought to you by the Auditor herself... dahil napagtripan ni Madam President na kumain, pinakain siya... at dahil gutom na ang lahat, sinama na rin—since kaunti lang naman kaming kakain...

The dinner was enjoyable, but the talk from the Auditor was at least bearable to the listeners (sina PRO Egai, Asst Treas Cy, VP-Int Juz and Pres Maylen)

Dinner Session - before the talk was done

Ella, as some says, is a wild dreamer. She talked to them like she will be the next President of the Country. She started assigning tasks and directives to the fellow officers, as if she can lead her constituents with a snap. Natatawa ang mga co-officers niya when she asked for the desired position nila, asking anong suitable government function ang bagay sa kanila. At least she assigned people to the following (in random order, lists are tentative):

Presidential Speaker

BSP Governor

DOF Secretary

SSS President and CEO

PDIC President and CEO

PICC / CCP President

Presidential Management Staff Director-General

PAGCOR Chairperson

National Disaster Coordinating Council Director-General

DPWH Secretary

Treasurer of the Phils (Bureau of the Treasury)

Internal Revenue Commissioner (Bureau of Internal Revenue)

Customs Commissioner (Bureau of Customs)

Nagtataka na ang mga officers - bakit nag-aapoint ng mga tao si Ella, at mga kaibigan pa nya. Is it how politics goes these days, tanong ng isa. She just answered that this is how politics works since time immemorial. If you are the president, the frontliners should be the first people that you have trust and confidence with. It does not mean that you cannot delegate others / give chance to others - she will appoint the "nextliners" that have the stunning credentials, magandang exposure at mas matalino sa kanila - so that they will be challenged at gumawa nang matino.

At dahil naguluhan sila, dinaan na lang sa extra kanin ang lahat. But Ella won't stop talking, in between chewing barbeques.

Dinner Session - kunyari stolen...

Then may nagtanong ulit, tackling about the Government Corporate Sector - aka the GOCCs. Sharing thoughts about how the executive have their salaries that are very much higher than the highest person in the land, one asked - why not abolish these corporations? why not make everything be privatized?

Ella, since nagtatrabaho sa department na may oversight functions over Government Corporations, started the talk. She pinpoints that today is not a perfect time for abolishing entities, rather this is the perfect time to rehabilitate them. Nagtanong na ang isa about the situation of SSS, bakit ganon na lang ang capability nila. She just said that based on Senator's Drilon's statement - kaya nariyan ang Legislative. Kaya may hearing not to accuse them, but to formulate policies that would straighten up the Corporation (since I believe that SSS is a GOCC). Kaya nga may Senado, to propose laws that are feasible enough for the Heads of the Corporation to act in accordance with their authority, and not to exceed them.

Tapos may follow-up, about the NFA case... bakit ganon na lang raw ang NFA? hindi ba pwedeng i-privatize yan? Ella, believing that the GOCCs are one of the important sectors of the country, disagrees to the proposal. She just shared that the NFA's function should be changed - NFA should only be a regulatory function. NFA was created to lose, kako niya - it is meant to be the importer of rice and other important goods to make the market healthy, through joining in the competition. Nariyan si NFA para bumaba ang bigas - hindi para tumaas ito.

But when he asked Ella that if she is the President - what will she do with these corporations?

Ella answered - REORGANIZE. Believe me or not, they do not need private sector to buy them out - this is the time that the National Government should take action. Bakit sila ganyan is because they have politics as a way of life. They believe that kapag ang iba ay ganyan at hindi nahuhuli - why not join with the flow. This is the societal cancer - this is what needs to be cured.

She further added that the people should be continuously vigilant in taking notes what is happening to the nation. May angst si Ella sa mga taong mahilig mag-comment, but do not channel their spontaneity to at least contribute to the change. If they continue to criticize the wrongdoings, sana gawan na rin ng action. I am a little person working for the public, she says, but at least I am willing and able to do something to our nation, how much it would cost to me. She wants to enlighten everyone that we should love our nation, changing its negative views. Gisingin dapat ng mga tao ang dugong makabayan sa kanila. Sino pang tutulong sa sariling bayan kundi tayo rin lang?

[The facebook note is created from a first person perspective and a third person perspective. Kaya n'yo yang unawain.]

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(inputted in facebook notes last 17 October 2010)

Is this okay for Speech 101?

Jester. Free-writer. Whistler. Dreamer. These are the four adjectives that could describe a commediene, a storyteller, a singer and a kid. Four personas in one - and that is Ella's persona.

Ladies and Gentlemen, as Demi Lovato sings it, this is real, this is me... I would like you to give a glimpse of who Ella is.

A descendant of a chinese race, mixed with a race of a pure Boholano that migrated to Leyte and then to Manila, a name Maria Ella was born in Pasay City. The name was of a wondrous history, a biblical first name, and a romantic yet ironic second name - which came from the first love of her father.

She grew up in Makati, a privileged town, which she claims as her province since time immemorial. She was fortunate enough to experience an affordable education - tuition, as well as books and school supplies were free. She finishes her elementary and secondary education here, and decided to take the Certified Public Accountant race through enrolling the rigorous BS Accountancy course at the Polytechnic University of the Philippines. Fortunate events came, after receiving the CPA certificate no. 125082, she decided to be a public servant - a Financial Analyst in the Department of Finance.

A natural comic, she loves to tell stories with a sense of humor, never tires herself from laughing, and never stops talking and telling jokes. She's a crowd pleaser, although some of her jests are not a humor anymore, leading to a pinch of sarcasm in few. She always has her gaga moments, both consciously crafted and unconsciously created. Humor, as if defines, brings laughter to the one you're giving it to.

She spends her free time on social networks, updating with her friends in the world wide web. She loves free-writing and online blogging, creating literary pieces. She also loves to comment on topics relating to public finance, economics and governance - since she was applying what she is learning and what she would like to learn on those aspects.

She loves to sing, as much as she wants to, whenever and wherever she was. She would not contain her thirst for singing as she claims it, and for every opportunity that music is giving her - she would love to take it, challenging the notes - beaming the souls of the sounds at the top of her lungs. She has seen in different places singing with confidence, and she doesn't care whatever the world tell her - she would no stop even the world tells her to.

A wild dreamer, she keeps on believing that teaching is her calling. She perceived that once she attained what she is tasked to do, the fate will do everything to challenge her to this race, pursuing the change in every student she will be teaching thereto. She believed that it is in the teaching profession that you would not only share what you learned in books, but also what you learned through life as a whole. She would like to entice the students to aspire and inspire. She would dream of a Utopian sort - a nation without corruption, dirty politics, crimes and other societal cancers - and she is willing to be one of the tools to attain it.

She will be a catalyst of change.

[Hi Toastmasters, I want to be a kibitzer for your forums first, I want to see how your "club" works, and please allow me to simmer the moments of being an observant to your group, while being cognizant to your activities for the members. Pwede po bang makita ko muna kayo in action?]

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(inputted in facebook notes last 15th October 2010)

Crossroads

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I've been contemplating things since Saturday...

The main reason that I think I've got lots of things to do, and did not mind staying awake in the wee hours of night is maybe... I need to do something. I need to change something - whether a self-improvement, to self-reflect, or maybe, I am just bored with what I am today.

In the last six hours of the monday night, I was thinking things that I have done - what have I accomplished in my elementary days, what moments or stages I have missed in my high school days, what I haven't accomplished in my college days, and what I have been trying to prove in enrolling in the Graduate School.

And the dream keeps repeating over and over.

I have shared this to my friends - as one of my bedtime stories that my momma used to tell her kids - "Calling is a special opportunity. If you do not pursue it, it will haunt you even in your dreams."

Eto pa, "Once you are in the pursuit of calling, the fate of love doesn't hinder it so. once you attained what you have been 'called to do', then fate would think that it is perfect for love to come to you."

The dream of being an instructor haunted me in the Tuesday dawn. Everyone's awake, but I'm still in the dream - teaching younger generations of myself.

The truth is, when I was in my kindergarten days, I wanted to be a teacher. When I was in grade school, I wanted to be a CPA. When I was in high school, there's a exam that would evaluate what you really like to be when you 'grow up' - and I was torn with being a Musician, A CPA, and A Teacher.Now that I am who I am now - a CPA, with an additional "bearing" of being a Public Servant and being Nationalistic, the dream has again lingered my soul.

Seeing a glimpse of myself in the blackboard, teaching to the college students not only accounting principles, but also sharing life lessons that is not bounded in our homes - makes my heart wanted to shout for joy. And that dream is the one I really want to be - even fate hinders love to cross my path, or maybe was staying at that path, waiting for me to take it.

Maybe, naatat na talaga ako at parang walang 'growth' na nangyayari sa akin as of today. Ewan ko lang, or maybe naatat na akong magka-lovelife. Ewan ko rin lang.

Reader, ano ba sa tingin mo?

(inputted in facebook notes last 05 October 2010)

The Message Board

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In one activity, the group was asked to be truthful - what is your message to another member of the Team if you are given the chance. The facilitator then asked the participants to grab a pen and paper – a message board to be place at your back so that you wouldn’t know ahead what is the dedication being expressed.

As much as possible, being the "clown of the crowd", all messages are somewhat “similar" although they are coming from different people. Pare-parehong pasabog ika nga. So here it goes (I will reiterate their writings here, and would try my best to get them correctly):

Ito na ang mga pasabog!

Madaldal, pero smart. Pero Extreme din behavior from time to time. – Rey (So talagang may “bullying factor” pa rin na sinasama?! Tseh!)
Ella, you are so funny… keep it up! –Irene (Yes Irene, I’ll be continuing this even I am a stage mother na)
Ella, such a nice friend; but try to understand the feelings of others. I know I can count on you. –Josh (hey, there are things that are done through persistence, and even these things are inexplicable in the perspective of a financial analyst)
Ella, masayahin. – Jovy (look at my comment with Irene’s message)
Ella, quite similar to me, pareho tayong madaldal and emo. I know you’ll be a good auditor on your batch. – Beng (Yes Beng, we’re also thinkers in our team – looking intricately on the details of the process if it complies with the protocol. I’ll try my best to practice my title!)
Ella, sana magka-BF ka na! – Juz (SANA NGA! AT SANA YUN ANG NAG-IISANG TAONG MARUNONG SA BADMINTON AT MAHILIG SA SINIGANG! Hehehe)
Ella, maingay pero so much fun! Hardworking and committed =) – Donna (Thanks Donna for incorporating the three best adjectives in your message)
Huwag maingay at madada – Kiko (Yes po Manong Kiko, I’ll try my very best in this one! Promise na ito, to the maximum level)
Hi Ella, great thinker of the group; thanks for being a good friend. God Bless! – Kat =) (Thanks Kath, I’ll try to balance all the Drivers of the Team… be prepared for the “Balancing Effect”! hehehe..)
Ella, you’re loud but I love it! Just always be yourself! Excel in your endeavors. – Jessa (Jessa, if I am at myself, I am very loud – hindi pa ako bonggang-bonggang true to myself pa nyan… hehehe… and I will excel in my teaching profession – as promised to myself… puru na lang myself… hehehe)
Ella, minimize your voice lang. Very talented girl. – Cy =) (Thanks Cy, kahit binabanatan mo ako nang bonggang-bongga! Ahahaha)
Hi Ella, I love you as you are and will accept everything about you. – Marga (MARGA!!! MWAHUGZ !!! yun lang… hindi pa ba halatang tanggap na tanggap mo na ako?! Hehehe)
Madaldal pero may sense – carry naman eh! – Egai (High respect tsong, that again cannot profoundly expound by a simple financial analyst)
Hi Ella, Bibong-bibo! - ♥Bevs (natawa ako sa comment mo Bevs, I remember my stage mother telling me this after every performance in my Kindergarten days… hahaha)
Ella, very spontaneous, lively and active. Lovable character, learn to control your emotions.
– Chris (Chris, I love you na rin! Ahahaha and yes, I promised myself na rin to be more mature than who I am now)
Ella, IDOL! Realize the leader in you! Go go go! – Chelle (T-T naiyak ako, may nakaappreciate ng “star quality” in me. Thanks! I think in my future days, I’ll continue to be a public servant – maybe not in the same form that I am now… but still continue to do the “special opportunity”)
BABAERO! – Rommel (I don’t know how did you arrive at this premise – naloka ako! Kaya siguro wala pa rin akong BF… hehehehe)
Ella, saya maging groupmate ka. Heheh.. – Arbie (Thanks Arbie! Akala ko naman anong pasabog yan! Ahahaha… ui I’ll be “using” you as my “network” in my teaching profession in the future… thanks again!)
Ella dear! Multi-taker… - Maylen (Magagalit si Rey, because this is the adjective that best describes him also… hala! Compatible kami?!?! Ahahahahaha)
Ella, continue what you are doing… practice badminton and just an info, I also like sinigang… heheh (pak) – Philip (ITO ANG PASABOG! Ahahaha… very good! I will try to cook it perfectly, so that in case that Rey doesn’t want to eat them, I’ve got a substitute “guinea pig”! ahahah)
Ella, Kung ako lalaki… Matagal na kita niligawan. No joke! I love jolly and talented girl. Love you. –Ivy (T-T IVY! SANA LALAKI KA NA NGA!!! Mahilig ka bas a sinigang? Marunong ka ban g badminton? If only you’re a guy and say yes-es to both questions – I’ll answer ahead “I LOVE YOU TOO! TAYO NA – BUO NA ANG AKING PAGKATAO!” ahahahahah and I’ll sing from the heart - ♪♫ I finally found someone… ♪♫ ahahahahahah)

May napansin ako from everyone – most of them wrote that I am outloud / maingay. Fine, I will try my best to be finesse and try to deal everything - with flair (although lots of times ko nang sinasabi ito, taking them as an annual new year's resolution that needs resolution!) And because of that, along with the other activities from that place, we would go out to the world as better and more mature people. We know how to settle differences, resolve different issues, and be more accountable to our actions. And still, learn to accept who we are and the changes that are happening within us. Thanks to everyone in the team! Mahal ko kayong lahat. :)

The drama queen,

-Ella B.

inputted in facebook notes last 28 September 2010

Naka-cc Ka Lang Po Rito

The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Dear God,

A while ago, I read Mitch Albom's Five People You Meet In Heaven... I read it for three hours! hehe... I've learned at lot from that book, about the power of fate, that there's no such thing as coincidence. About the sacrifice, and how its legacy passes to the one you're offering it to. About eternal love, that even lost love lasts forever. About patience, forgiveness, and letting go of the hurtful past, the harsh memories, and the hauntings that linger your soul. I realized that the heaven is not the perfect paradise, it is the ordinary place like what we are living today, only with the absence of the negative things that is happening to us.

Yesterday, I read Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist. All I can say is that it is a very profound composition by a foreigner! It portrays the life of Santiago, in search for his purpose in the world. Learning the experiences from the different personas he met in different places. About making choices and taking chances in the pursuit of the heart's deepest desire. A portrayal of great miracles, memorable life lessons. This is a story that is worth laughing and crying for.

You are worthy to be known dear God. And Jesus is worthy to be known as your son. Your greatest creation. Your greatest illustration of what you have in store for each and everyone of us. Dearest father, forgive me for all the sins I have committed. But know this, all of me belongs to you. And my soul will never be taken by anyone. Yes, it will be facing lots of challenges and tests ahead, but I believe that I am trusting you, as my ultimate father and saviour.

Dear God, thank you for letting me enter your place. Thank you for accepting me again. Thank you for welcoming me home.

Your makulit na dalagita,
-Ella

inputted in facebook notes last 10 August 2010

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Nasan Na Ba Ang Barkada Ngayon

Some side notes — I was trying to locate my personal recordings in Facebook Notes from way back 2011 and for some reason, the notes themselves are very elusive. Was the Facebook notes section archived or deactivated? I was not even aware of this shift, really. In the meantime, I shall copy and paste whatever transcript that I can find.

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Last Night was fun!!!

Last night was the first time I've been to Eastwood Mall, good thing I was accompanied by a friend who has been there for three times.

We had fun, we had dinner and they had yogurt as desserts~! Sayang, I was not "allowed" to eat something cold because I wasn't feeling well at the moment.

It is nice for people to meet again, keeping touch, sharing stories, dreams, and life's blessings... I missed the college barkadas, I missed the laughs, the asaran, the serious intervals, and the kodak moments. Namiss ko kayo mga pare!

Nakakatuwang isipin na iba-iba na ang landas na ating binabagtas mula nang tayo ay naghiwa-hiwalay sa araw ng pagtatapos ng kolehiyo. Iba't-iba na rin ang mga propesyon natin, sa iba't-ibang lugar na rin tayo nagta-trabaho. Masaya ako at nagawan natin ng paraan na magsalu-salo ulit kahit sa sandaling oras.

Masarap ang pagkain, at masarap ang kwentuhan.

Siguraduhin nating mauulit ito, hanggang sa habang panahon. Malay natin, ituloy natin ang salu-salo sa harap ng ating mga magiging anak / asawa... Keeping touch even the years are passing, tila ang takbo ng oras ay matulin.

Next time, next time, we will be together again. At dapat kumpleto na ang barkada!

inputted in facebook notes last 01 August 2010

Noong 2011, Naguluhan ako kay Bob.

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Dear Bob Ong,

Let me get this straight - GULUNG-GULU KA NA BA SA DAMI NG DEMAND SA IYO NG MGA MAMBABASA NA SUMULAT NG ROMANTIC NOVEL??? Halata kasing minadali mo itong bagong libro mo. tsk. And we both know that the comic relief crown really belongs to Kuya Manix. Why do a xerox copy of his humor? Are you challenging your die-hard fans to love your newest book though you haven't thought through it?

Nasaan ang reflections of an ordinary Pinoy? Nasa pangalan lang ng character, ganun? I haven't seen any "imprint" (yan ang tawag ko sa style and context of writing that depicts something) - like in Alamat ng Gubat, McArthur, Kapitan Sino at Mga Kaibigan ni Mama Susan. Nasan yung simpleng nakakatuwang pangyayari katulad ng nasa ABNKKBSNPLAKo, Bakit Baligtad Magbasa ang mga Pilipino, Stainless Longganisa at Ang Paboritong Libro ni Hudas?

I don't really get this, Bob. Nakakalungkot isipin na wala sa dalawang kategoryang nabanggit ko ang bagong libro mo. Sana, sa susunod mong interview (at kung tungkol sa librong ito ang interview) - please say that "This is the hardest novel ever written, because this is where I faced my greatest challenge", para yung ibang die-hard fans mo hindi rin ma-disappoint, kasi naiintindihan nila yung challenge.

I Love You Still,

- Ella

inputted in facebook notes last 09 Dec 2011

Mga Teorya ng Pagkahulog: My Personal Reading Experience

Minamahal ang Dinadala Mo sa Paglisan: Mga Pagsasanay sa Pagsusulat at Pag-iisa by Edgar Calabia Samar
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Last 15th March 2021, it was confirmed that I was a close contact of a random employee in the 18th floor who was COVID-19 positive. With that, I asked my manager not to go to #TheBank and subjected myself to the standard 14-day self-quarantine while I do WFH. I find myself having a hard time dealing with isolation and being alone, being an extrovert and a bubbly girl who craves attention and connection. During these times, I write. But not as lengthy as a novella or a short story. Even with writing, I find myself hard to sit down and type (or write) my daily nothings and musings.

This time, I also started my first podcast episode in Anchor app (that auto-links to Spotify), and yet, the content was just me trying hard to get a grasp on sound production, recordings and random rants about surviving the personal lockdown. I told myself that to be able to continue this passion project, I needed structure—even when the outside world lacks of it.

When Manila has its increasing cases of Covid-19, recording hotspots of variants and registering deaths, I looked for solace in researching lessons about sound production and creative content via Podcasts. I installed Audacity app for windows and watched multiple Youtube channels on how to record and modulate and mix the voices and sounds; I was too engrossed and getting myself equipped with the program that I almost read all the hyperlinks in the Audacity online manual. After that, I tried ingesting all the episodes of The Linya-linya Show, Wake Up with Jim and Saab, Covid Diaries, and even the Booklaban (who I believe became a shelf item when the ECQ started). It is when I encountered Glenn and Egay’s Anong Kwento Natin, a podcast to which they talk about the books they read and how they relate it with their experiences in the outside world. When I told myself that the tandem might have a nutritious content but lacks the magic of music, it is only then that I discovered Egay’s personal podcast, Mga Teorya ng Pagkahulog.

I was hooked. The intro and outro were soothing! From the looks of it, the content was long at first. However, as I listened to the first episode, a transition was heard in the middle part of the podcast, a commercial of sorts. It was only on the second episode that I was sold into buying the book from the Santinakpan site, and I opted to read the PDF copy instead of the EPUB version.

Putting the PDF version is tough. If I can name one weakness, this is it. There are pages where the font is too small. When you zoom it in Amazon Kindle, it gets tougher to pan left and right, just to get the reading done. I tried reading the essay in my laptop, but the monitor was too big and bright for me, the letters were so large. Plus, the kinesthetic activity of turning the page was elusive; laptop kind of sucks the fun in reading the book in your hand. So, I squinted my eyes and played the podcast in full volume, getting myself into the mood of reading.

Reading the essays with Egay’s voice feels like a conversation with him talking and me taking mental notes. Inasmuch as I can, for every episode, I take down notes and quotable quotes (with my phone) and share it to him through the Instagram stories. Funny, he suddenly asked as to why I was listening to the three episodes in one go—May pinagdadaanan ba ako? He may not know my 14-day quarantine (which extended for an additional 7 days because Duterte declared another wave of ECQ without ayuda), or my internal frustration with the current government, my angst with the current leaders, and my anger with the apathetic and apolitical colleagues. He may not know that my partner (who is a frontliner) deals with positive COVID-19 cases, long queues of patients and almost everyday code red & ALS. I just answered his question that I was on the middle of a research for podcasts and sound production.

But I think he knew.

Or maybe, I believe he knew all this because my feelings were validated in his essays. Even though the book was written in 2020, the sentiments resonated until today. Even my lack of motivation to write, or my anger to what is happening outside, and the need to call for the mass movement; these were all seen and heard in Egay’s book and podcast! I may not relate about the stories of paglayo at paglisan, but I felt the moments of being lonely and alone (which is so much different from not lonely; alone). There were quotes that acted as Easter eggs, too. Some, I remember seeing them in twitter. Plus, reading the passages in Filipino language bear weight. I kind of etched into my heart. These little tidbits gave more magic to the reading experience.

Ang mahalaga, mukhang makakapagsulat na ulit talaga ako.

And true enough, I wasn’t even consciously looking at what I typed just now, I was able to write. Finally, I am able to write again. Even though I start with this humble book review.

Egay, if you are reading this… I thank you for your creative works. It inspired me to do one, too.

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