Mga Teorya ng Pagkahulog: My Personal Reading Experience

Minamahal ang Dinadala Mo sa Paglisan: Mga Pagsasanay sa Pagsusulat at Pag-iisa by Edgar Calabia Samar
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Last 15th March 2021, it was confirmed that I was a close contact of a random employee in the 18th floor who was COVID-19 positive. With that, I asked my manager not to go to #TheBank and subjected myself to the standard 14-day self-quarantine while I do WFH. I find myself having a hard time dealing with isolation and being alone, being an extrovert and a bubbly girl who craves attention and connection. During these times, I write. But not as lengthy as a novella or a short story. Even with writing, I find myself hard to sit down and type (or write) my daily nothings and musings.

This time, I also started my first podcast episode in Anchor app (that auto-links to Spotify), and yet, the content was just me trying hard to get a grasp on sound production, recordings and random rants about surviving the personal lockdown. I told myself that to be able to continue this passion project, I needed structure—even when the outside world lacks of it.

When Manila has its increasing cases of Covid-19, recording hotspots of variants and registering deaths, I looked for solace in researching lessons about sound production and creative content via Podcasts. I installed Audacity app for windows and watched multiple Youtube channels on how to record and modulate and mix the voices and sounds; I was too engrossed and getting myself equipped with the program that I almost read all the hyperlinks in the Audacity online manual. After that, I tried ingesting all the episodes of The Linya-linya Show, Wake Up with Jim and Saab, Covid Diaries, and even the Booklaban (who I believe became a shelf item when the ECQ started). It is when I encountered Glenn and Egay’s Anong Kwento Natin, a podcast to which they talk about the books they read and how they relate it with their experiences in the outside world. When I told myself that the tandem might have a nutritious content but lacks the magic of music, it is only then that I discovered Egay’s personal podcast, Mga Teorya ng Pagkahulog.

I was hooked. The intro and outro were soothing! From the looks of it, the content was long at first. However, as I listened to the first episode, a transition was heard in the middle part of the podcast, a commercial of sorts. It was only on the second episode that I was sold into buying the book from the Santinakpan site, and I opted to read the PDF copy instead of the EPUB version.

Putting the PDF version is tough. If I can name one weakness, this is it. There are pages where the font is too small. When you zoom it in Amazon Kindle, it gets tougher to pan left and right, just to get the reading done. I tried reading the essay in my laptop, but the monitor was too big and bright for me, the letters were so large. Plus, the kinesthetic activity of turning the page was elusive; laptop kind of sucks the fun in reading the book in your hand. So, I squinted my eyes and played the podcast in full volume, getting myself into the mood of reading.

Reading the essays with Egay’s voice feels like a conversation with him talking and me taking mental notes. Inasmuch as I can, for every episode, I take down notes and quotable quotes (with my phone) and share it to him through the Instagram stories. Funny, he suddenly asked as to why I was listening to the three episodes in one go—May pinagdadaanan ba ako? He may not know my 14-day quarantine (which extended for an additional 7 days because Duterte declared another wave of ECQ without ayuda), or my internal frustration with the current government, my angst with the current leaders, and my anger with the apathetic and apolitical colleagues. He may not know that my partner (who is a frontliner) deals with positive COVID-19 cases, long queues of patients and almost everyday code red & ALS. I just answered his question that I was on the middle of a research for podcasts and sound production.

But I think he knew.

Or maybe, I believe he knew all this because my feelings were validated in his essays. Even though the book was written in 2020, the sentiments resonated until today. Even my lack of motivation to write, or my anger to what is happening outside, and the need to call for the mass movement; these were all seen and heard in Egay’s book and podcast! I may not relate about the stories of paglayo at paglisan, but I felt the moments of being lonely and alone (which is so much different from not lonely; alone). There were quotes that acted as Easter eggs, too. Some, I remember seeing them in twitter. Plus, reading the passages in Filipino language bear weight. I kind of etched into my heart. These little tidbits gave more magic to the reading experience.

Ang mahalaga, mukhang makakapagsulat na ulit talaga ako.

And true enough, I wasn’t even consciously looking at what I typed just now, I was able to write. Finally, I am able to write again. Even though I start with this humble book review.

Egay, if you are reading this… I thank you for your creative works. It inspired me to do one, too.

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