Crossroads

Some side notes — I was trying to locate my personal anecdotes in Facebook Notes from way back 2011 and for some reason, the notes themselves are very elusive. Was the Facebook notes section archived or deactivated? I was not even aware of this shift, really. In the meantime, I shall copy and paste whatever transcript that I can find.

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I've been contemplating things since Saturday...

The main reason that I think I've got lots of things to do, and did not mind staying awake in the wee hours of night is maybe... I need to do something. I need to change something - whether a self-improvement, to self-reflect, or maybe, I am just bored with what I am today.

In the last six hours of the monday night, I was thinking things that I have done - what have I accomplished in my elementary days, what moments or stages I have missed in my high school days, what I haven't accomplished in my college days, and what I have been trying to prove in enrolling in the Graduate School.

And the dream keeps repeating over and over.

I have shared this to my friends - as one of my bedtime stories that my momma used to tell her kids - "Calling is a special opportunity. If you do not pursue it, it will haunt you even in your dreams."

Eto pa, "Once you are in the pursuit of calling, the fate of love doesn't hinder it so. once you attained what you have been 'called to do', then fate would think that it is perfect for love to come to you."

The dream of being an instructor haunted me in the Tuesday dawn. Everyone's awake, but I'm still in the dream - teaching younger generations of myself.

The truth is, when I was in my kindergarten days, I wanted to be a teacher. When I was in grade school, I wanted to be a CPA. When I was in high school, there's a exam that would evaluate what you really like to be when you 'grow up' - and I was torn with being a Musician, A CPA, and A Teacher.Now that I am who I am now - a CPA, with an additional "bearing" of being a Public Servant and being Nationalistic, the dream has again lingered my soul.

Seeing a glimpse of myself in the blackboard, teaching to the college students not only accounting principles, but also sharing life lessons that is not bounded in our homes - makes my heart wanted to shout for joy. And that dream is the one I really want to be - even fate hinders love to cross my path, or maybe was staying at that path, waiting for me to take it.

Maybe, naatat na talaga ako at parang walang 'growth' na nangyayari sa akin as of today. Ewan ko lang, or maybe naatat na akong magka-lovelife. Ewan ko rin lang.

Reader, ano ba sa tingin mo?

(inputted in facebook notes last 05 October 2010)