Everything I Never Told You by Celeste NgMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
"Oo, para responsibility mo na kung may mangyari man saken. Hehehe"
"At least one time in your life ma-experience mo maiwan sa ere. Lol"
Seemingly harmless, right?
In the first one, it triggered a bitter memory. The second, triggered a trauma in me. In the same manner these conversations elicited a feeling out of the ordinary, the novel uncovered some when I was reading the first half of it while crying in an empty park in BGC.
I wasn't the eldest (view spoiler) like Nath, not even a middle child like Lydia. I wasn't a kid who was being ignored, or a kid who followed every parent's order. Perhaps, I saw myself as Hannah, (even though I wasn't the youngest) who listened and observed and took every little detail and commited to memory. I even remembered myself hugging my knees under the table when a quarrel happened.
Reading Celeste Ng's novel uncovered some of these traumas I have had faced in my younger years. It's really a wonder how was I able to clearly emphatize in the unwritten rules, forgetful encounters, and broiling angst and rage happening in a dysfunctional family. This may be an outtake for some of my relatives, but they never realized this: my family's intact on the outside, but really, a broken and dysfunctional within. I don't want to elaborate since Celeste doesn't own my personal plotline, but somehow, reading her prose resurfaced the bitter memories of us siblings growing up.
Now that we are healing on our own, I am grateful that through this novel, a self-awareness has been replenished. And in a way, a helpful tool for me to introspect and how to react on some of the candid conversations that seems to be ordinary, but triggered another lifetime and another story.
Thanks to Lynai for recommending this book. She did me a good deal of dealing with a personal breakdown and addressing grief over a scheduled holiday. Lynai you did give me a goodread and a good cry.
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