All the Lovers in the Night by Mieko KawakamiMy rating: 3 of 5 stars
This year has been difficult for me, lots of topsy-turvy.
I was hopeful for our PH elections but it became dismal. And then lots of arrests for the poets and reporters here and there. I do not know them personally, but I cry for them and these turbulent times gave me extreme anxiety due to the growing gap of the injustice in my country.
Coupled this with a delayed promotion, a teammate moving out, and additional 7 months of being burned out because I was so driven to get this post secured.
Then when I looked at my personal life, my relationship with the doctor became a situationship, then a situationshi[t] that I finally had the courage to walk-away on this set-up. Whatever self-respect I have left keeps me afloat these days. I am still healing, so forgive me for being out of touch.
It sounded that I keep on giving explanations to my friends, colleagues and to the random people online. I have never felt tired this much. That's why even my personal escape of reading was being ignored. My mental health is not on its optimal state.
Reading the sad notes of Fuyuko as a proofreader kind of reflected this long months of loneliness and this tendency to play safe. Some might call it selfish, but this is how I coped in my down times. There are weekends that I only sleep and eat; actually, most of the times, I only sleep to drown away the overthinking. Long walks are being advised, but how will you be able to walk safely if you hear news of unnecessary killings in BGC — the relatively safest district in the country? I even considered going back to discord and talk to the gaming community but alas, the courage (or even the thought of reaching out) makes me feel tired.
Reading has been difficult, too.
I was reading 4 books at a time, but I cannot even get myself immersed. I hated the feeling of being too absorbed with the story that I may manifest these plotlines by overthinking. I mean, I read Sally Rooney's Conversations with Friends and the phrase "pathologically pathetic" resonated with me, that I even use that to describe my ex. (view spoiler).
I don't want to spoil the readers, but if you are in the mood for a long walk in the winter and mull about the lonely phase (and what have you), this is good for you. There is no love story, only the feeling of detachment, the mundane, and the old age. To give you a clue, Fuyuko is turning 36 in this novel, and she met someone 10+ years her senior. But Mitsutsuka is not his work colleague or someone in her younger years.
I may not be able to finish the reading challenge this year, but let me be grateful for this long holiday that I was able to finish a novella from a Japanese writer.
View all my reviews
Walang komento:
Mag-post ng isang Komento